Dear subscribers,

Welcome to the most recent edition of Reach the Top Connects, where I’m pleased to present an exclusive interview with New York Times best-selling author Joan Anderson.

Joan has been searching for purpose her entire life. Her recent trilogy of memoirs, A Year By the Sea, An Unfinished Marriage and A Walk on the Beach (published by Broadway Books, a division of Random House) explores the traditional roles we play, including how those roles conflict with and subjugate what she refers to as “the authentic self” — that inner person who radiates creative energy and drive. Joan’s theme is to help readers re-discover, nurture and empower this innate joi de vivre!

In connection with her memoirs, Joan has appeared twice on the Oprah Winfrey Show and three times on the Today Show as well as being a frequent speaker at colleges, universities, women’s clubs and writer’s conferences. Her very popular Weekend By the Sea retreats, in which attendees learn to Retreat-Retrieve-Repair-Regroup-Regenerate-Return, have attracted people from over 50 states and Canada.

On April 4, Joan’s fourth book A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People will be released to critical acclaim. This groundbreaking book gives women (and men) practical guidance and inspiration for building creative, independent and fulfilling lives.

I recently sat down with Joan to discuss her new book and the role of mentoring and coaching in discovering and nurturing “the authentic self.” You can also see Joan on this Saturday’s MSNBC show (April 8th) from 7:00 a.m.– 8:00 a.m.

Donna Billings

.P.S. Joan Anderson’s experiences resonate strongly with women, as you’ll read in her interview. However, they’re also relevant to men. All people will benefit from sorting through the traditional roles they play and rediscovering their authentic selves.

An interview with author Joan Anderson

DONNA:
Tell us about your latest book A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People.

JOAN:
The questions I asked myself — and the insight I gained from the answers — became my first memoir A Year By the Sea. When it was published, it resonated with thousands of women who were also struggling to rediscover themselves and bolster their dreams after years of focusing on the needs of significant others.

In turn, A Year By the Sea — and women’s responses to it — formed the basis for my weekend workshops where women begin to figure out how to find their authentic selves — that person you were before you became a wife, a mother, a caregiver to an ailing family member, a career person. I like to think of those weekend retreats as a starting point on the road to discovering the raw material person you once were; you begin to scrape off the armor you’ve built, layer by layer, over the years.

The latest book, A Weekend to Change Your Life, shares the exercises and activities from the weekend retreats and makes them available to everyone, everywhere. The book illustrates how to begin to move beyond the roles, spiral in to your authentic self — then begin to stretch toward something new and powerful.

DONNA:
In your memoirs, nature plays a key role in self-transformation.

JOAN:
Yes, it does. In a natural setting, it’s easier to find the quiet path and tap into what’s instinctive and intuitive. Our lives are filled with the noise — the busy-ness — of our commitments to other people, not to mention the noise of our culture of television, computers and cell phones. Add to that the voice inside our heads that constantly reminds us of appointments, commitments and our never-ending to-do list and it’s impossible to get in touch with your authentic self.

DONNA:
Perhaps we mistake the noise and busy-ness with personal and professional fulfillment?

JOAN:
For a time, I think many women did. But for thousands of us, there comes a moment when it doesn’t ring true anymore — when we’re confronted with a longing and questioning of who we are in juxtaposition with who we’ve become. We begin to search for something deeper and more meaningful and that has to begin with silence. You can’t begin to hear your authentic self until you can quiet all the other roles you play. There’s no better setting for silence and personal reflection than nature, which may take the form of the sea — my own personal metaphor — or the mountains, which I know resonates deeply with you, or the beauty of a garden you’ve planted in your own back yard.

DONNA:
How does mentoring play a role in a person’s re-discovery of self?

JOAN:
Mentoring is very important! You see its powerful results everyday in the way women mentor each other through crisis. We support each other through health issues, divorce, family troubles and the death of loved ones.

It helps to understand that at every stage of your life you may serve as someone’s mentor and continue to be mentored by a person who’s further along the path. It’s also important to understand that in order to raise your consciousness to a new level, you’re going to fail and fall back again and again and so are your companions. That’s where a mentor’s support is so valuable!

DONNA:
Do you see women embracing mentoring?

JOAN:
I do. Women are coming together in supportive, consciousness-raising relationships through book clubs and health-related movements, such the Komen Race for the Cure®. In these types of settings, you have a good opportunity to connect with someone who shares your sensibilities and is open to mentoring. That can mean the person is willing to share her experiences with you, tap into your experiences, walk the path with you side-by-side or a combination.

One of the most powerful ways to mentor is to serve as a mentor to your children. Our children want to see us having fun and enjoying life. The message needs to be, “I’m a good mother to my children, but that’s just one aspect to this larger person who is not defined by stereotypical roles.” As mothers and spouses and caregivers and career women, we don’t take silence and solo time seriously. In fact, those are the two things we often sacrifice first.

In order to be your authentic self, you need time away from the caregiver role — time to nurture yourself in a restorative setting on a regular basis. Your children need to see this, understand its purpose and experience its value. (Keep in mind you’re going to have to make the time, because nobody is going to give it to you.) A Weekend To Change Your Life can help you begin to do something meaningful for you, which sends a powerful message to children.

DONNA:
Right or wrong, many women feel guilty about putting their needs before others, especially their family members. What do you say to that feeling?

JOAN:
You need to give yourself permission for joy. To use the garden as metaphor, the feeling of growth that comes from discovering and nurturing your authentic self helps you, in turn, to nurture the plants around you. In time, you all grow more beautiful and full with each passing year and, if all goes well, spread seeds that will continue to bring joy and beauty for generations to come.

Visit the Joan Anderson at www.joananderson.org. Joan will appear on the MSNBC Weekend Today Show on Saturday, April 8, 2006 from 7:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m.

For more information about how Reach the Top can help you and/or your organization tap into the power of mentoring and coaching, please call Donna Billings at 724-935-1397.

What’s the difference between a mentor and a coach?

Mentor: A role model who guides from his or her own experience. A mentor may be someone within your organization who shows you the company’s in’s and out’s, including your specific job requirements. A mentor may also be a friend who guides you through a difficult or challenging life change, such as a divorce or death of a loved one.

Coach: A person who serves as your personal champion and holds you accountable for results related to your life goals. A coach helps you to stay focused on the big picture by asking powerful questions based on intuitive observation and interaction.

A Jump-Start Agenda for a Weekend to Change Your Life--Retreat-Repair-Return*:

Retreat: sink into a seamless world of uninterrupted time, where the endless hours allow something to grow from nothing.

Retrieve: The very act of seeking sets things in motion.

Repair: Having drifted off course, we have no choice but to find our way back, on our own. There are no lifeguards, no inner tubes to save us—inner strength and will are our lifelines.

Regroup: Surrender everyone else’s expectations and find your own balance and boundaries.

Regenerate: Embrace your second journey, gather your strengths and sponsor yourself.

Return: Decide to be new in an old place.
*Taken from A Weekend to Change Your Life

Note: Would you like to attend a “Weekend to Change your Life” retreat? Please email me at donna@reachthetop.net; if there is sufficient interest, I will work with Joan to schedule one in the Pittsburgh area.

A Year by the Sea: Thoughts of an Unfinished Woman by Joan Anderson; Published by Broadway 2000; ISBN: 0767905938

An Unfinished Marriage by Joan Anderson; Published by Broadway 2003; ISBN: 0767908716

A Walk on the Beach: Tales of Wisdom From an Unconventional Woman by Joan Anderson; Published by Broadway 2004; ISBN: 0767914740

A Weekend to Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being All Things to All People by Joan Anderson; Published by Broadway 2006; ISBN: 0767920546

About Donna Billings and Reach the Top

We work with key leaders, helping you define and identify meaningful work, craft strategic career development plans, hone and develop your leadership and management competencies, including embracing cultural diversity — and eventually help you phase into retirement.

My leadership coaching and development practice is called “Reach the Top.” We all climb many mountains over the course of our lives — some are physical, some are mental, some are emotional. Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not. Through coaching and leadership development, we help you reach powerful, new heights as you traverse whatever life transition you’re now experiencing. Together, we will form an alliance that is mindful of where you are on your journey right now.

To supplement my coaching practice, I am affiliated with the Center for Leadership Studies, one of the premier leadership training organizations in the world. We are committed to helping people develop their inherent potential as leaders and to helping organizations succeed and prosper.

A publication of Reach the Top and Donna Billings. To reproduce or reprint information contained in this e-zine, kindly contact me at donna@reachthetop.net.